katydaqueen: (tiger)
So, my Monday Positive for this week is easy. I issued a call, and they came. Offers poured in, suggestions were made, and things look better. It seems more stable now, and I hope we will maintain it that way!

Computers are not the only way you all rock. Thank you for being there. I am feeling very loved today.
katydaqueen: (Default)
To all my friends and family reading this- Merry Christmas, Happy (belated) Solstice, and I hope to see you soon!!!

If you want to keep up with me, I blog mainly at my web site. :)

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and all that jazz....
katydaqueen: (Default)
After careful consideration, I have submitted Tackle Hugs and Bonking Heads.  Reviewing the previous entries showed me there were very few older children interactions in the contest.  You can't vote, but you can comment.  There is a new Sony Digital camera at stake, so I am really hoping that there is a chance :)

Need Help

Nov. 26th, 2007 03:08 pm
katydaqueen: (Default)
OK! I have decided to enter this contest: Mama Focus Photo Contest!
I need to narrow my selections down to two pictures.

From the site:
We hope to see photos that show us what modern motherhood can be like: the ugly and the beautiful. We are looking for pictures with a fresh, unique perspective or that capture a moment, convey a feeling, or tell a story. We want interesting and unexpected shots that give us a peek into real mamahood.

Some themes you might choose to explore (but anything goes!): Self & Solitude, Work & Play, Sleep (or lack thereof) & Dreams, Nature & Nurture.

Composition and photographic excellence don't count, just pictures that capture a moment of motherhood. In my case, here are the contenders:

Now you see why I am having a problem choosing. Please leave your vote in the comments. They have to be submitted by 11/30.  (I invite you to enter too-  for me, it is not about winning, but about capturing the diversity of being a mother)
katydaqueen: (Default)

Courtesy [profile] call_me_robert. Used with Permission

I was once an obnoxious fat person. I had lost 60 lbs through a fluke, and gloated. I would tell people that all they needed to do was make lifestyle changes and they would lose weight too.

To all those people, consider this your public apology. I was wrong.

So, if in my joy over a perceived change that was fleeting I hurt you or made you feel less than the beautiful person you are, I am sorry. I feel it, I know it, and I am sorry I perpetuated it.

To my sons, I owe another apology, and hope the strides I am taking now in acceptance are soon enough to correct the damage. Food is a joyful thing, and I hope I have not robbed you of that joy.

To myself I especially apologize. In my quest to find acceptance and love from the outside, I abused you. I am now at my heaviest point, which may not have been a problem if I hadn't tried to lose weight so many times. I have and still do at times, viewed you with disgust and loathing. I have indulged in the "if only" game, and ignored legitimate health issues just because I thought they were because I was fat and deserved to suffer.

I have stuffed myself into too small clothes because I didn't want to admit I had gone up a size.

And the worst thing, in this spirit of confession, is that I have unintentionally supported a societal hatred of fat that goes beyond logic. I have maintained the status quo and not stood up for myself and others. I have actively participated in fat shaming.

But words are one thing, actions are another.

So this week (with the caveat that I can not start until the semester is over) I have volunteered as Non-profit and Legal issues team lead for COFRA. This is the Coalition of Fat Rights Activists. I am sure I will have a lot more to say as time goes one, but at least, for know, I am putting my money, time, and energy into making a difference.

Of course, this is along with my work with Magellan, the Family Involvement Center, and the MISS Foundation. Somebody stop me!!!

Cross-posted from Krista's Thoughts.

And, all the other posts you may think you are missing are there too.  I am just lazy.


katydaqueen: (Default)
Que Sarah, Sarah: Take this Oprah!: "So now, I question my every thought and belief. What is the point in pursuing spirituality or faith when the messages you believed came from a higher source turned out to be mere fabicrations of my mind. Or perhaps this was to be my path, but things such as cancer and illness are out of the scope of God's control? A physiological accident happened, it was discovered at too late a stage for treatment to be effective, and now my path has changed? There is no point in searching for meaning in all this because I can't trust the meaning I find. Gah! I don't know what my point is. Nothing too brilliant. I guess I'm just having a pity party and whining that life isn't fair. Why do people who don't even want kids get accidentally pregnant, or people who are ambivalent but just have babies because they want someone to take care of them when they're old get pregnant, while women who really want kids suffer from infertility or illness? I guess I just want to scream: Yes, bad things happen to good people! Good things happen to bad people! There is such thing as being lucky and unlucky, and a lot of what happens in this life is absolutely random! Take that Oprah!"

Note: (I had saved this, and forgot to post it, but since I wrote it, I say it counts for NaBloPoMo)

Sarah is talking about Cancer, and unfortunately her journey ended this year. I found this through Moreena's blog and her post about Coping Mechanisms.

Bad things happen to good people.

Positivity does not change things.

Moreena and Sarah are speaking about making seriously ill people feel guilty and at fault for their illness if they can't maintain a positive avenue. I want to take this somewhere else entirely.

This post went to a completely different destination than I was intending. It is almost like they write themselves.
katydaqueen: (Default)
Long Post Warning: Cross-posted from Krista's Thoughts

My faith or non-faith as the case may be.
I am going to cheat a bit, and post a paper I wrote for my Muslim Reality Class, but go through and hyper link a bit. OK- got tired, and stopped. I may or may not finish the links.

Meanwhile, if you don't feel like reading this and want to know what UU is, either watch one of the videos, or read this:
Our denomination is unique because every Unitarian Universalist has the right to develop a personal philosophy of life, without being told what to believe. We can learn from all philosophies and religions, and also from science and the arts. We explore important life issues in a caring community, united by shared values rather than by shared theological opinions. And no matter what we do believe about theology or philosophy, we try to live a good life and leave the world better than we found it.
Mission Peak Unitarian Universalist Congregation Fremont, California

Elevator Speech from UU World Magazine.

katydaqueen: (Default)
When Konal first started having difficulties, I started looking for answers. Intuition told me that there was more than met the eye involved. We have had consultations, specialists, test after test that would leave us both in tears. You could tell me tomorrow he has a brain tumor, and I would probably deal with it better than what we have. We need to know what we are dealing with, instead of this constant round of finding yet another thing wrong. Konal is picking up on this. When he was tested for Wilson's Disease, I was informed by one of his teachers that he was talking about it like if he had it, everything would be all better. And when the tests were inconclusive? I think our hearts just broke a little bit more.

So, as part of this continual quest for answers, comes this new study:
As a mother who hangs on every word, I just wanted to say, "Thank you, researchers and scientists" Because you keep trying, we have hope.
katydaqueen: (Default)
Storytime edition:

Once upon a time, the internet was this new, unexplored territory. I mean, wow! Anyone could get a site if they wanted one. So, I started with a Geocities site, then worked my way to my own domain name. I have not looked back since.
Part of the early site was when I was really trying to do something meaningful on the web. I wanted to have an impact and be known for something more than just being a stay at home mom and a college student. I had pages on attachment parenting, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, and many others. I joined online forums. In fact I was in an AOL parenting forum while in early labor with Aidan. I made friends, I made enemies, and I made mistakes. It was like adopting a whole new culture.

But that is not what this particular entry is about. This entry is an update to this. Go, read it- I will wait.

And yet, I am tired. I am worn thin, and am not sure how to deal with it. I would let others in and have them be a support, but they often don't understand what is going on. Having to continually explain it makes me feel so alone sometimes. Chris is a wonderful support, and I know he is getting it, but he is also concerned, frustrated, and feels powerless when things happen. I know that my friends are unsure what to do to help. I know society has no clue, and would rather write him off as someone who can't be helped. What can our family, friends, neighborhood, community, & society do?

Thanks to the Punjab Patty wedding, I was introduced to a Social Distortion song that brings me to tears. (pop up warning)

Konal says I am the strongest mom he knows.
Sometimes I wonder...
katydaqueen: (unicorn)
What matters?
Very little.
the flicker of light
within the darkness,
the feeling of warmth
within the cold,
the knowledge of LOVE
within the void.

Joan Walsh Anglund

Love is what helps our family survive. That and tiny miracles.

I need a tiny miracle tonight. Just a wee one. And now that knowledge is out in the void, I am signing off.
katydaqueen: (Default)
I am counting my photo hunt as my post for yesterday.

At least I posted :)

The start of today's post:

There will be more later but...

The children have been taught the joys of Munchkin. And chaos reigned.
katydaqueen: (me)
Wedding Edition

Not much of import to note today. I worked a Charity Golf Tournament- as part of my internship with the MISS Foundation- because of which I got 4 hours of sleep last night.

I went directly from there to a wonderful wedding. There was much laughter, geekery, punnage, music, and friendship.

And, oh, hey- I caught the bouquet!!!

More in depth things to note later, since I am getting in under the wire for today.

Cross-posted from Krista's Thoughts
katydaqueen: (Default)
Catching up...  as always, if you want up to the date bloggage, check out my site.

Today was a day on the run, and run I did. Cleaning, working, meetings, and more.... I am behind on e-mail and blogs, and tomorrow guarantees the same.

I have a small rant about the State of Arizona's social service system. It is very fragmented and difficult to navigate. Konal receives services from Behavioral Health via his eligibility by being on the state form of Medicaid, called Arizona Healthcare Cost Containment System, or AHCCCS for short. He meets the federal definition of Developmentally Disabled, but not our state definition. DDD is the only non income dependent health program our state really has. This is why I made the choice years ago to quit working. I was making too much, and private insurance can not provide the services we need.

The problem, besides the confusing nature of the system itself, is that Behavioral Health is built on a time limited, fix the child and get out philosophy. It is not set up for long-term, chronic issues.

We had a meeting today, and were told that the agencies are receiving pressure to correct the safety issues in the household and get back out (called transitioning)

I do not see this happening. I am afraid that during Konal's next better cycle, they will declare him "fixed" and withdraw the in-home supports. I hate to say it, but I foresee another system taking over at that point.

This system receives a very high percentage of the children receiving behavioral health services in AZ. It is a way to warehouse "problem children" who may have been helped if the other systems were better.

What is this system, the one I see my child being in if I don't keep fighting tooth and nail?

The Department of Juvenile Corrections.

And if the issue is bad enough, the Office of Corrections.

Why spend all this money to warehouse a child that money in the beginning could have prevented?
katydaqueen: (unicorn)
It is late, I am tired, so I am putting off a thoughtful, scholarly post on poverty and nutrition until tomorrow.

Instead, a list of things that make me happy:

I am sure there are more... but it is time for some sleep
katydaqueen: (Default)
A day in the life: As liveblogged by Krista Long

I actually have a purpose for this post. One day a week during NaBloPoMo, I will completely liveblog a full day. I hope, by trying to post things fresh, I will capture some of mi vida loca to remember in the future.

And with that ( I know there was more to it- but I am tired and my brain is fuzzy) I sign off for the night.

Tomorrow I have my Adrenal Gland ultrasound to make sure there are no masses. Fun, fun...
katydaqueen: (Default)
Late Night Edition

This morning was the first time in a very long time that I over slept the alarm. I think it is those darn narcotics. It set the tone for the day. I never got any homework done. Life was usual chaos.

I have a saved draft in my blogger talking about the depths of depression. Right now, I realize I might need to pull that post out and work on it. My depression is a little different from the norm. I don't call it being sad, I call it disengaging from life when it gets to be too much.

The problem?

My life is in a continual state of chaos. Right now I am doing poorly in many realms of life: financially, Physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, academically.

I don't feel like talking, but instead have been brushing off my biggest supports because I couldn't muster the umph to answer them when they inquire how things are. Not their fault, just totally my desire to bury myself.

I have had to make the decision to miss another day of school, even though it puts me farther behind and I have more to make up. Events in the house tonight have strained my back and it is very tender. I will have to start my internship back up this week though. I can't afford to miss any more hours.

So what it comes down to, is that this disengagement just makes things worse. Life has to be dealt with or the problems multiply and become more stressful.

Repeat after me:

I can make it through this semester.
I can make it through this semester.
I can make it through this semester.
I can make it through this semester.

Cross-posted at Krista's Thoughts

katydaqueen: (me)
Today was a crazy day. I often have bouts of insomnia, and last night was bad. Since I am taking medicine for my back, I can't take my sleeping pills.

So, I ended up awake at 11 am. The day was spent running around. I had Austyn with me and we went and had some fun. We picked up the boys and went to Kohl's for dress clothes.

After we got home, I notice a broken heel on my favorite brown suede boots. I bought them from Zappos, called, and they had them available still, so I will get a new pair on Tuesday and just have to send the old ones back on their dime. I adore the customer service through them.

Unlike J.Jill's, where I have had more problems then success dealing with them.

Busy day tomorrow- have homework to get done.

So I leave you with this:

Now playing: The Pogues - Rain St
via FoxyTunes

Cross-posted at Krista's Thoughts
katydaqueen: (me)
The counting my blessings edition.
After two posts dwelling on more unpleasant aspects of my life, I decide to count my blessings:
  1. I have two wonderful children.
  2. I have a supportive mother.
  3. I have lots of loving family, including my dad, brothers, aunts and uncles, and cousins.
  4. I have a partner ([profile] elmocho  ) who is everything I could ask for and more.
  5. Through hard work and diligence, I obtained my Associates in Transfer Partnership, and have continued my education for my bachelors in Social Work.
  6. I have wonderful friends.... you know who you are :)
  7. I have hobbies that I enjoy (when I am not buried in schoolwork)
  8. I have a puppy who loves me
  9. I have a quick and agile mind and love learning.
  10. Life is going well!

Now playing: Bob Dylan - The House Carpenter
via FoxyTunes

Cross-post from Krista's Thoughts
katydaqueen: (Default)
When I left off yesterday, I promised to address the question of "What about when he is older and bigger?"

Cross-post from Krista's Thoughts

April 2009

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