Que Sarah, Sarah: Take this Oprah!: "So now, I question my every thought and belief. What is the point in pursuing spirituality or faith when the messages you believed came from a higher source turned out to be mere fabicrations of my mind. Or perhaps this was to be my path, but things such as cancer and illness are out of the scope of God's control? A physiological accident happened, it was discovered at too late a stage for treatment to be effective, and now my path has changed? There is no point in searching for meaning in all this because I can't trust the meaning I find. Gah! I don't know what my point is. Nothing too brilliant. I guess I'm just having a pity party and whining that life isn't fair. Why do people who don't even want kids get accidentally pregnant, or people who are ambivalent but just have babies because they want someone to take care of them when they're old get pregnant, while women who really want kids suffer from infertility or illness? I guess I just want to scream: Yes, bad things happen to good people! Good things happen to bad people! There is such thing as being lucky and unlucky, and a lot of what happens in this life is absolutely random! Take that Oprah!"

Note: (I had saved this, and forgot to post it, but since I wrote it, I say it counts for NaBloPoMo)

Sarah is talking about Cancer, and unfortunately her journey ended this year. I found this through Moreena's blog and her post about Coping Mechanisms.

Bad things happen to good people.

Positivity does not change things.

Moreena and Sarah are speaking about making seriously ill people feel guilty and at fault for their illness if they can't maintain a positive avenue. I want to take this somewhere else entirely.



This post went to a completely different destination than I was intending. It is almost like they write themselves.

Late Night Edition

This morning was the first time in a very long time that I over slept the alarm. I think it is those darn narcotics. It set the tone for the day. I never got any homework done. Life was usual chaos.

I have a saved draft in my blogger talking about the depths of depression. Right now, I realize I might need to pull that post out and work on it. My depression is a little different from the norm. I don't call it being sad, I call it disengaging from life when it gets to be too much.

The problem?

My life is in a continual state of chaos. Right now I am doing poorly in many realms of life: financially, Physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, academically.

I don't feel like talking, but instead have been brushing off my biggest supports because I couldn't muster the umph to answer them when they inquire how things are. Not their fault, just totally my desire to bury myself.

I have had to make the decision to miss another day of school, even though it puts me farther behind and I have more to make up. Events in the house tonight have strained my back and it is very tender. I will have to start my internship back up this week though. I can't afford to miss any more hours.

So what it comes down to, is that this disengagement just makes things worse. Life has to be dealt with or the problems multiply and become more stressful.

Repeat after me:

I can make it through this semester.
I can make it through this semester.
I can make it through this semester.
I can make it through this semester.

Cross-posted at Krista's Thoughts